And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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