i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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