Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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