that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
