Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize