covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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