You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just want nice things and good sex
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
