It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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