Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize