3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
