Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
