Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
