the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
