I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
