I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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