Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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