So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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