i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
