I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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