Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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