Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
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