i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
