i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
