I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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