everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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