my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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