i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
