if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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