just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
