'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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