Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
