Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Someone signed my nipple.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
