Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
