You made me cry and you don't even care
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
as a side note pls kill me
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
