and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
