The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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