I'm laying in your front yard are you home
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
