ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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