All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
