Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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