That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
