So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
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