I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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