Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
