New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
