I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
