All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
