You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
