I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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