Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
