I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
