Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
