two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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