I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
