I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
