i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
