you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
My vagina just clenched in fear
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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