I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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