grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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