yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
