She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
