So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
