I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
