I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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