so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
tell me about the eggs
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
