guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
