omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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